"No sir, we do not actually sell Pancakes, not since the Breakfast Ban of 2867. If you want pancakes you will have to try—"
I sighed. Trudy's eye rolled at me as she finished her sentence, "—the Fella's Intergalactic House in Sector Gamma. Yes sir, they still serve breakfast there."
She grumbled as she hung up the call. "It's the only Sector in the city that has the permits to sell breakfast you <bleep>."
I laughed. "I see that Double H still has you on the language blocker."
"Laugh all you want you <bleep>ing idiot, at least I have more color to offer with my choice of vocabulary. Life's more exciting when you live in the moment." She threw her arms out wide as if the whole word was at her fingertips.
I shrugged. "Who cares? And your eye patch is slipping."
"Do have to rub it in every <bleep> time?"
Even grumbling, she still fixed the patch so that it completely covered her scars. If you ever want to hear a regaling tale just ask about the day she received them. It was one of the finest days for delivery persons everywhere and no one can be the true story involving a civil war, a rubber ducky, and a monster spewing out gallons of toothpaste. Even though losing body parts was one of the hazards of being a Pancaken, I haven't found a job anywhere more enjoyable. Or adrenaline pumping.
A deep voice sounded over the intercom, "Did I hear bleeping?"
I snickered as Trudy rolled her eye for my benefit. "You're language blocker is still working Double H."
"Good, because as we all know the Intergalactic House of Pancakes is a family business and the law requires—"
"—all G rated restaurants to have clean language," Trudy and I finished with him.
Double H grunted before he turned off the intercom with a screech of feedback.
"You think he would realize that he says the exact same thing at least three times a week," I commented dryly.
"Yeah, well, that's food biz."
"Why thank you Gertrude for those wonderful words of wisdom."
"If you call me Gertrude one more time Winfred I, I will—"
"Finish a sentence? And who you calling Winfred? That is so not even close."
"Fine Win! You wi—"
She stopped mid-pun barely realizing her mistake.
"Ha! I win! I always win!"
"Fine, you get to go on the next delivery." She typed on her wrist computer for a second. "Chef says that he has a comm take out order ready. Chinese food: the full works. You ready to go?"
I strapped on the orbiting helmet. "Shoot me out."
I stepped on the glowing pad as the food parcel shot up through the opening in the floor. I strapped it to my back just in time for Trudy to tap the glass button on the wall beside her. Before I knew it I was freefalling into space.
Stars whirled by in streams of light. It was gloriously beautiful until I landed into a body of water with a painful slap.
"What the heck Trudy? You were supposed to send me to a teleport pad."
She just laughed at me. "Good thing the food parcel is waterproof."
I wiped saltwater out of my eyes as I treaded for a moment. "Just where am I, Miss Smart One?"
"Just outside Lover's Park and about fifteen minutes away from your destination."
"Cutting it close aren't you? I only have twenty minutes left of the forty minute deadline!"
"I would start swimming if I were you." She disconnected me before I could make a good comeback.
I grumbled to myself about smart alecks when I noticed a big shadow underneath me. She didn't place me in a shark tank did she?
The shadow nudged me, pushing me back ten feet. It had to be a friendly shark. Correction: whale. The creature released a stream of water into the air. The whale surfaced, watching me with its enormous eye. It batted me again with its tail.
"That's not a good idea," I said swimming towards the side of the small tank.
Its eye widened further and large tears started gushing out. Whales could cry? And why did I have to land in the only tank with an emotional whale? What was its problem anyway?
I raised my hands in the air. "I'm not going to hurt you, I just need to make my delivery."
The whale released a series of clicks and whistles.
"Yeah, sure, whatever you say. How about I come visit you once I'm done?"
The whale suddenly whacked me again, sending me flying into the air and out of the tank. I had enough presence of mind to activate my jacket's landing gear so I didn't completely crash.
The whale looked dolefully down at me. I dripped water everywhere as I waved to the whale, which woefully waved back. "We can talk about your emotions and everything later—thanks for the lift!"
Before the whale could do something else like try to force feed me dead fish, I ran out of there.
I checked my timing with my watch to see that I only had fifteen minutes left. My GPS showed that if I wanted to make my delivery on time, I had no way away around it; I had to cut through Lover's Park. I guess it was time to say hello to Cupid (or rather avoid him completely).
Speeding up to a sprint, I vaulted the nearest fence—I certainly didn't want to deal with the Single's Entrance. It was bad enough to visit the park as a couple on a date; you had to go through all of these check points proving your love to each other. Now the Single's Entrance was awful. They actually set you up with someone and make you fall in love for the night. The next day you realize that you did all these stupid things with a girl you barely even know including frolicking through a field of flowers (and I mean frolic, it says so on the memento brochure they give you at the end), rowing in a rowboat down a stream and posing for pictures in these ridiculous pink and red outfits. And you can find that you actually tell a girl your full name and have Cupid forever blackmailing you with it. And it's not even like the park has anything cool like ninja llamas.
I shuddered at just the thought of repeating that experience again. I still have nightmares about it. I would be fine if I didn't run into a certain balding man with wings that still insisted on wearing a diaper. I wasn't even sure if the man was toilet-trained and yet he was supposed to decide my love life? I don't think so.
"Well, why isn't it Erwin Winthrop Winfried Winnover Balwin V?"
Ugh, see why I just go by Win? I skidded to a stop as a series of hedges sprung up around me.
"I really don't have the time Cupid," I said as I spun around trying to find the man. I was surrounded by statues (all draped with elegantly grown ivy and roses I might add), but I knew one of them had to be him.
"You always have time for love!"
"Not when I only have about ten minutes to make a delivery deadline."
There! I saw the flash of the arrow just before it hit me, having barely enough time to dive out of the way. I clicked a button on my watch which made it turn into a shield that I used to deflect the second volley of arrows.
Cupid cursed.
"Oh, like that's romantic," I said.
He sneered at me, his weak chin quivering under his six hair beard. I simply deflected the next arrow, causing it to rebound back at him. He squealed as the arrow pricked his flabby arm.
"Why I ought to—" he broke off as the magic came into effect.
"Why don't you find a nice reflection to admire, while I just make my way out of here," I said pointing cupid to a series of pools and mirror in the center of the park.
"I do have a pretty reflection, don't I?" he said dreamily.
I rolled my eyes. "Yes, yes, now go!"
Once Cupid was occupied ogling his face in a mirror, I hurried out of the exit and headed around the corner of the street of my destination. I jumped almost a foot into the air when I heard a loud pop. My landing caused a near explosion of sound. Was this bubble wrap? Some people have the strangest taste in decoration. I walked down the street with an audio avalanche as I found 1627 Bubble Street.
I took the steps two at a time and rang the doorbell. I kept my eyes on my watch. 60 seconds, 55. Steps approached the door. 50, 45. The door opened and I shouted, "Fella's Intergalactic House of Pancakes, Chinese delivery and with," I paused to glance at my watch, "thirty seconds to spare!"
The man blinked at me. "Why aren't you exuberant?"
"Just glad I made it on time sir," I said with a small salute. "Now here's your food. I see that we have already received your payment through the Bankernet, so thank you for your patronage sir!"
I happily relinquished my package and pulled out a pair of sunglasses from my pocket.
"Uh, thank you."
He stopped me from going. "For curiosity sake, what happens when you don't reach the forty minute mark? Do I get a free meal?"
I shook my head, grinning at the predictable question. "Nope, sadly not sir. I just explode."
His mouth dropped in surprise. "Y-you can't be serious."
"Do I look like I'm joking?"
His mouth moved without making a sound as he just stared at me. I laughed quietly as I flipped on my shades and headed down the street; I had a date with a depressed whale.
___________________________________________________________________________
This is perhaps one of the most randomness things that I've written! This was for a contest over at deviantART and I was one of the winners actually =)
The Prompt:
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to tell us the story of how you would deliver Chinese food to a hungry customer. However, the trip to his house is full of danger and intrigue. During your journey, you encounter:
A sad whale Cupid rapidly shooting arrows A road made of bubble wrap This was a lot of fun to write.
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